


Bring Human Haru Back: The Mission

by Ingi



Category: Free!
Genre: Animal Transformation, Crack, Duck Nanase Haruka, Fairy Tale Elements, Free! Kink Meme, Haru being Haru, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Japanese Culture, M/M, Matsuoka Rin Swears, Matsuoka Rin's Huge Crush on Nanase Haruka, Nagisa being Nagisa, Prompt Fill, Ryuugazaki Rei Is Trying His Best, Sass Master Yamazaki Sousuke, Tachibana Makoto Is So Done, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 06:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,486
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13288836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingi/pseuds/Ingi
Summary: The day after graduation, Haru turns into a duck.





	Bring Human Haru Back: The Mission

**Author's Note:**

> For the record, I _was_ going to make this gen, had it all ticked out and everything. But then a wonderfully terrible idea to explain and solve Haru's transformation was thrusted upon me, and I just _had_ to write it.
> 
> This is a fill for [this](https://iwatobiswimclub.dreamwidth.org/3042.html?thread=4056802#cmt4056802) amazing prompt from the Kink Meme. Bless u, anon.

The day after graduation, Haru turns into a duck.

This is more than slightly inconvenient, as: A) scouts all over the world are vying for his attention, and Haru has to give an answer to at least one of them as soon as possible — _Australia_ , he's choosing Australia; he knows, the Iwatobi Swim Club knows, anyone who has spoken to him once and is aware of where Rin is going _knows_ —, B) ducks cannot cook mackerel, which means Makoto has to become even more of a babysitter than usual, and C) someone suddenly turning into a duck is kind of worrying in general.

It happens like this:

Morning, 6 AM, Makoto forgets to delete his alarm and wakes up in time for school. He's sleepy enough after hanging out with everyone for so long after the ceremony that he ignores the completely silent house, the formal uniform spread over the back of a chair, and the numerous flower bouquets given to him by girls in his class that are now inhabiting vases all over the living room, and walks to Haru's house like usual. He goes straight into the bathroom, because he is not an idiot, and calls Haru's name, and as usual, there is no answer.

So then he sighs, peeks inside the bathtube- and _screams_.

There is a duck placidly splatting around in Haru's bathtub. And it's not that Makoto is terrified of ducks. It's not that his superior intellect somehow makes the leap from seeing a duck where he expects Haru to be to realizing that said duck _is_ actually Haru —even though that is, in fact, exactly what is going on—. It's simply that Haru's love for all and any bodies of water doesn't extend to the creatures that live in them, so if a duck is in Haru's bathtube, according to the Rules of Haru, said duck _must_ be Haru himself.

Makoto is not a dedicated science student. Unlike Rei, he doesn't have every single physic law in existence down. But on the matter of the Rules of Haru? He's whatever Haru-equivalent of a physicist doctor honoris causa there is.

So Makoto —who has slid down to the floor in pure legs-weakening horror— carefully picks up the duck and settles it on his knees, before getting out his phone to ask for help. He has to stop mid-message to wrap the duck in a towel, because apart from soaking his jeans through, it keeps trying to get back to the bathtub.

 _Definitely_ Haru.

 

 

 

 **MakoDad** has renamed _IwaZuka Squad_ to _hELP!!!!_

 **MakoDad:** GUYS HARU IS A DUCK

 **MakoDad:** HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **MakoDad:** ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ

 **YSousuke:** did u mean: GUYS HARU IS A _DICK_

 **NagisAAA:** i thought he was a dolphin????

 **ReiButterButt:** If anything, Haru-chan is a merman, utilizing his swimming instead of his singing to willfully enchant men and women alike.

 **NagisAAA:** ohHHH good point rei, id totally believe that!!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** haru secret merman confirmed!!!

 **RinRin:** how does everyone in this chat manage to be so fucking gay

 **YSousuke:** are we really gonna talk about being gay for haru

 **YSousuke:** ARE WE, rin

 **RinRin:** SHUT THE FUCK UP YAMAZAKI OR I SWEAR

 **YSousuke:** oh plz, like that idiot's even going to get a clue just bcs it's written right in front of his face

 **MakoDad:** I imagine he won't BECAUSE DUCKS CAN'T READ

 **NagisAAA:** we agreed haru was a merman, makoto!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** i dont see why mermans cant read!!!

 **NagisAAA:** is that why youre up so early makoto??? are you teaching merman haru how to read???

 **ReiButterButt:** Why are _you_ up this early, Nagisa-chan? It's more than a little unusual for you.

 **NagisAAA:** i havent slept in three days

 **ReiButterButt:** Ah.

 **RinRin:** everything makes so much fucking sense now doesn't it

 **NagisAAA:** why are you guys up?????

 **RinRin:** training

 **YSousuke:** training

 **ReiButterButt:** I always wake up early! It's a good habit to have.

 **MakoDad:** GUYS. HARU. DUCK. AS IN, AN ACTUAL DUCK, SITTING IN HIS BATHTUB

 **NagisAAA:** theres a duck in harus bathtub????? take it out makoto or haru will be angry!!!!!

 **RinRin:** wait

 **RinRin:** there's a _duck_ in haru's bathrub?

 **MakoDad:** WAS. IS NOW SITTING ON ME. BUT YES

 **RinRin:** hOLY FUCK, HARU HAS TURNED INTO A DUCK

 **MakoDad:** NO SHIT

 **YSousuke:** I'd like to publicly apologize for ever saying I'd rather watch paint dry than join this chat

 **YSousuke:** I stand corrected

 

 

 

Everyone does, eventually, come to Haru's house, only to find that indeed, there is a duck that is now craddled in a towel in Makoto's lap. Haru is nowhere to be seen. Or rather, _human Haru_ is nowhere to be seen.

They agree that the situation requires further investigation, and then flip a coin to decide who's going to take care of duck Haru while it lasts. Makoto chooses tails, and the rest of the group is assigned heads. Makoto is not even surprised when he loses. To be honest, what surprises him the most is that they even bothered flipping the coin on the first place.

"It's nearly twelve," Haru's voice suddenly says, calm as you please. "You should start grilling the mackerel if you want it to be ready for lunch."

All five men crowded in Haru's bathroom —which was most definitely _not_ made for five men, as presumably the architects were thinking _regular Japanese house_ and not _gay sauna_ when they designed it— stare at Makoto's lap as one. The duck stares right back at them. The small yellow beak opens, and what comes out of it is not _quack_ , but:

"There are five of you. Why is no one making the mackerel."

"Holy-"

"You can talk?!" Nagisa says, excited at this new development.

Duck Haru, in true human Haru fashion, doesn't bother replying to such an obvious question.

"You sit there in total silence for _hours_ after being turned into a fucking _duck_ , and when you open your goddarned duck mouth at long last, it's to ask about _mackerel_?"

There's a pause. Rin, realizing that is question is not much less obvious than Nagisa's, hides his face in his hands.

"What you refer to as duck mouth, Rin-chan, is called beak," Rei helpfully points out.

"I need a drink," Sousuke mumbles, walking right out of the room.

Makoto looks at the remaining people in the bathroom, a desperate plea in his eyes, and craddles duck Haru to his chest. Duck Haru continues on staring into the abyss, completely unruffled except for his feathers, as their encounter with the towel has left them in a state that gives duck Haru a certain similarity with a wet, disgruntled cat —although perhaps the disgruntled quality comes from the lack of mackerel—.

"Is no one going to do _anything_?" Makoto whispers.

 

 

 

They do something.

Rei is in charge of their main lines of research, mostly scientific drivel and archived newspaper reports of related phenomenons. Nagisa hauls in a box of myths and fairytales from his sisters' bedroom and spends hours sitting on a cushion on the floor, going through them in utter delight —and occasionally forcing duck Haru to listen to his epic interpretative reading as well— with a lot of enthusiasm and very little method. Makoto cooks _a lot_ of mackerel. Rin, ironically enough, follows duck Haru wherever he goes like- well, like a baby duckling to his mother, the same incredulous expression fixed on his face all the while.

Sousuke's main contribution consists of an unending stream of comments about how Haru is _so much better_ as a duck, although he does sometimes help Makoto with the cooking as well.

By the fifth day of this routine, Haru is still very much a duck, and everyone has gotten sick of having to sleep on a pile on the floor of Haru's living room.

"I can research just as well from home, Makoto," Rei assures him, reassuringly patting his back. "Just keep him fed and we'll do the rest. We'll all come back pretty much every day to try the possible solutions out, anyway."

"And for the love of everything, stop fucking giving him mackerel," Rin groans. "It's bad enough that you indulge him when he's human, even if he's going to do whatever he wants anyway, but now that you can really control what he eats like a true mother hen-" He whips around, points a threatening finger at Nagisa, who freezes with his mouth open. " _Don't_ make the joke." He turns back to Makoto, scowling. " _Now_ you can really influence his diet."

"Actually," Rei says, weakly and with deep regret, "a diet consisting entirely of mackerel is relatively healthy for a duck."

" _Fuck_."

"Oh oh," Nagisa mutters.

Duck Haru has gotten a very dangerous glint in his beady duck eyes.

 

 

 

 **NagisAAA** has renamed _hELP!!!!_ to _Bring Human Haru Back: The Mission✨✨_

 **NagisAAA:** omg everyone!!!!! ive been reading and!!

 **NagisAAA:** and and and!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** do you think haru is secretly an obake????

 **YSousuke:** wasn't he a merman?

 **YSousuke:** damn, I just can't keep up with nanase's wild lifestyle

 **YSousuke:** when will he assume his true form as mackerel and swim free into the great wide ocean

 **YSousuke:** and very very far away from us

 **YSousuke:** I wonder

 **ReiButterButt:** Has anyone actually made any headway in the investigation?

 **RinRin:** what does it look like ryuugazaki

 **RinRin:** fuck I can't believe haru's gonna stay a duck forever bcs all of you are fucking useless

 **RinRin:** do you all have any idea of how fucking inconvenient this is???

 **RinRin:** I had _plans_. and now they're all ruined

 **YSousuke:** thank god

 **MakoDad:** seriously, guys, we need to start trying rei's ideas ASAP

 **MakoDad:** I'm so tired of stinking of mackerel

 **MakoDad:** haru has barely spoken at all since he discovered he can get away with quacking and playing clueless even for direct questions

 **MakoDad:** he makes even more of a mess swimming than he usually does as a human, and now _I'm_ the one who has to clean it

 **NagisAAA:** i miss human haruchan!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** it was fun at first but now its gotten boring again and i really miss him!!!

 **NagisAAA:** turn haru human again 2kforever!!!!

 **ReiButterButt:** Haru-chan is certainly missed by me as well.

 **ReiButterButt:** Apart from the fact that human beings becoming ducks is not how the world is supposed to work,

 **ReiButterButt:** I'm desolate by the loss of Haru-chan's perfect swimming form.

 **ReiButterButt:** Even though I can of course appreciate the beauty inherent in nature, nothing can compare to a human Haru swimming freestyle.

 **ReiButterButt:** That is the truth.

 **NagisAAA:** you said it sister!!!!!

 **ReiButterButt:** _What_?

 **YSousuke:** why do u all want to ruin my life

 

 

 

The first trial of one of Rei's ideas to turn Haru back into a human being ocurrs exactly seven days after what they refer to only as the Incident.

Despite the plan being put into motion by Ryuugazaki Rei, it's uncharacteristically unscientific. That is, of course, because there is apparently very little research on human-duck transformations, so Rei has pretty much had to improvise.

He does bring a clipboard and a fancy-looking pen, though, which gives everything a light patina of credibility that is very much appreciated by everyone.

"Test one, 10 AM on the-" he's mumbling to himself, as he scribbles notes down.

"Hurry up, Ryuugazaki," Rin says, gritting his teeth. "Having Haru back before our grandchildren have grandchildren would be fucking great, thanks."

Sousuke, even grumpier than usual after being forced —by the strength of his friendship with Rin and Makoto's best puppy eyes both, a combination that he's not happy to learn Haru is weak to in particular as well— to skip most of his daily exercise routine, stands to the side, making an inaudible comment about Rin and grandchildren that earns him an elbow to the face.

"Just to make the purpose of this trial clear," Rei goes on, unperturbed, "our intention is to abid to the principle of parsimony and test the simplest solution first. And as Haru-chan refuses to cooperate and try and shift back," he glares at duck Haru —carefully held by Rin—, who turns his little duck face away in total indifference, "we have to restort to what could be considered, I suppose, bribing."

Nagisa claps in support, beaming.

"Rin," Makoto says, with a nod, and Rin gently puts duck Haru on the ground.

A fountain stands in front of them, huge, magnificient, truly the pinnacle, the best of its kind and the joy of its builders- and _way_ too tall for a duck to climb into. In preparation for this moment, and to increase the chance of success at maximum, duck Haru has been forbidden to swim at all for the last two days. There haven't been any complains forthcoming —in fact, duck Haru has might as well been a stuffed toy for all he has spoken _or_ moved since then—, so it's safe to assume that there's a non neglibile possibility that Haru is going to go on a murder spree the second he's back in his usual body.

"Here, Haru-chan!" Nagisa yells, possibly more excited than this situation merits. "If you want a swim in there, you're going to have to change back!"

Duck Haru stares up at them for a moment, before giving the fountain a long, hard look. Then, in perfect silence, he spreads his wings and bats them once, twice, to land right in the middle of the fountain.

Sousuke, in what truly is the second miracle of the week —and, in many ways, much more unbelievable than a mere animal transformation—, bursts into laughter.

"For fuck's sake-"

"Well, gentlemen," Rei says gravely, "I believe we have a problem."

 

 

 

Test two, three, and four are too embarrassing to recall.

Everyone just pretends they didn't happen at all. Even Nagisa agrees to delete all video evidence with minimal complains, a historical event of such importance that Rei even deigns to write it down on his clipboard, eyebrows raised all the while.

Their efforts are being furtherly hindered by Sousuke, who keeps sneakily disposing of all of Rei's notes. The irony of it is that he forms an alliance of sorts with Haru in that aspect, and most of their early stunts end in duck Haru gulping down the balled-up papers Sousuke provides him. After this particular solution is made impossible —by virtue of Rin's even stricter watch over duck Haru, and enough of Makoto's worrying over the state of his intestines to tire even someone as well-used to ignore all the fretting as Haru is—, Sousuke relies on more imaginative methods.

The wrapping of the toilet in Haru's house with Rei's latest research logs is Makoto's less favorite one. He doesn't appreciate Sousuke forgetting that, as Haru is still very much a duck —partly thanks to _him_ , in fact—, Makoto himself is the one responsible for cleaning all that up.

There's also a Portuguese hacker involved at some point, as well as several pairs of underwear, a dorayaki, the pool of Iwatobi SC Returns, and a very enthusiastic grandma who lives next door to Haru.

"Why won't you _stop_?!" Rin ends up yelling after yet another wasted afternoon. It's day fifteen after the Incident, and duck Haru has pretty much made a nest out of Rin's lap. "What is it about Haru being a fucking _bird_ that you enjoy so fucking much?"

"Are you joking?" Sousuke replies, incredulous. "What about _everything_? It's hilarious, Nanase is blessedly quiet and too short to be in anyone's way for once-"

"I literally tripped on him four times today!" Nagisa reminds him, pouting.

"-and what are you even making a fuss about? Nanase clearly prefers it too!"

"That's true," duck Haru says. "I do."

That's more words than he has pronounced in the last week altogether, and it's enough to make Rin tear up. Although, to be fair, Rin _is_ a well-known crybaby, it still has some effect on Sousuke, who sighs and rubs his temples hard, refusing to look at any of them.

" _Fine_. Knowing you, you'd do whatever you want anyway, and I _do not want_ to go that wedding." He grimaces. "Even less that I want to go to the one that is inevitably going to happen after we fix this, I mean."

"That's very kind of you," Rei says, jaw tight with irritation, "but regretfully, you have gotten rid of all the copies of my investigation, and I'm _most certainly_ not going to do it all over again. We have nothing to go on anymore."

And so ends the era of Rei's painstakingly gathered research and attentively examined semi-experiments. And begins the era of _considering Nagisa's ideas_.

 

 

 

 **NagisAAA** has renamed  _Bring Human Haru Back: The Mission✨✨_ to _DUCK TALES_

 **NagisAAA:** i cant believe we missed that joke!!!!

 **YSousuke:** I hate everyone here

 **RinRin:** rude

 **RinRin:** but same, tbfh

 **NagisAAA:** OKAY WHO WANTS TO HEAR MY AMAZING IDEAS!!!!!

 **ReiButterButt:** Go on, Nagisa-chan.

 **ReiButterButt:** It's not like we have any serious leads.

 **NagisAAA:** ouch :(

 **NagisAAA:** ANYWAY!!!

 **NagisAAA:** ive been reading so so many stories!!!

 **NagisAAA:** and a lot of them involved plucking feathers off which sounded a little cruel???

 **NagisAAA:** so were definitely not doing that!!!

 **NagisAAA:** and then a lot more involved other talking animals!!!

 **NagisAAA:** which i dont think we have any of????? so were scrapping that too but dont worry!!!!!

 **YSousuke:** I'm so glad I can stop holding my breath now

 **YSousuke:** I was turning purple from anticipation

 **YSousuke:** and asphyxiation, I suppose

 **NagisAAA:** so mean :(((

 **MakoDad:** can we all please stop arguing with each other for a moment?

 **MakoDad:** just _one_ moment

 **MakoDad:** we'll try anything you suggest, nagisa

 **RinRin:** even if it's really fucking ridiculous

 **RinRin:** which it will be

 **RinRin:** bcs nagisa

 **NagisAAA:** heyyyyy!!!  >:[

 **NagisAAA:** dont be mean to me just because haru is a duck

 **NagisAAA:** and youre too chicken to do what everyone knows what you want to

 **NagisAAA:** LOOOOOOL DID YOU ALL SEE THAT PUN!????!!

 **MakoDad:** I swear to everything that is still holy in this world

 **MakoDad:** if haru is still a goddamned bird by tomorrow at this hour

 **MakoDad:** I will go to each one of your houses and choke you in your sleep

 **MakoDad:** AND THEN I WILL CHOKE _MYSELF_ BEFORE I HAVE TO COOK A SINGLE MORE MACKEREL

 **MakoDad:** UNDERSTOOD?

 **ReiButterButt:** CRYSTAL CLEAR.

 **YSousuke:** keep talking, blondie

 **RinRin:** plz

 

 

 

Nagisa's final idea _is_ pretty fucking ridiculous.

But they're all out of ideas of their own, and Haru has being a duck for a little more than two weeks, and Makoto's nerves —and by consequence, everyone else's— can't take even a minute more.

"A _princess_?" Rei repeats, baffled.

"It's in a lot of stories!" Nagisa insists, folding his arms over his chest and pouting dramatically. "I mean, it's not always a princess. It can also be a prince. Or an emperor. Or- or even a milkmaid's daughter, if she's special enough!"

"We can't get any of those, Nagisa," Makoto says, all patience. At least on the outside. _For now_.

Nagisa scowls, but seems to accept this much.

"True love also works," he finally says, wriggling his eyebrows in Rin's direction.

Rin, for his part, goes so red for so long that Rei discreetly googles stroke symptoms in his phone. His next immediate reaction is to not-so-sneakily glance at the duck currently squatting on his lap —as he usually is lately—, as if expecting duck Haru to somehow get what human Haru never has.

"It's true that there are numerous folk wisdom tales regarding the involvement of true love in animal transformations," Rei comments.

Which is _more than enough_ for Nagisa to hold onto.

"Kiss the duck, kiss the duck, kiss the duck!"

"Might as well try it, Rin," Makoto says, shrugging.

Even Sousuke looks resigned to this particular turn of events. It's pretty much inevitable, at this point.

"What?" Rin says, weakly, still painfully flushed. "Why me?"

The very same expression is reflected across the faces of the other four, and the combined intensity makes Rin's eyes fall. Conveniently, duck Haru is on the way, and the conmotion seems to have been enough to draw his interest for once, because he's looking up at Rin in exchange. And Rin- does _nothing_. They just stay like that, staring at each other, for about a full minute.

Then Sousuke sighs deeply and pushes Rin's head down, so Rin's lips smack against duck Haru's forehead. Not that anyone is entirely sure of ducks even _having_ a forehead.

And on the next blink, a very human Nanase Haruka is sprawled all over Rin's lap.

 

 

 

 **NagisAAA** has renamed _DUCK TALES_ to _TEH CONFESSION!!!_

 **NagisAAA:** OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** I THINK ITS HAPPENING!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** FINALLY!!!!

 **ReiButterButt:** It seems kind of rude to be talking about this literally as it's ocurring.

 **ReiButterButt:** Plus, this is the shared chat.

 **ReiButterButt:** Either of them could check their phone at any moment and read this.

 **ReiButterButt:** In fact, they're eventually going to read it anyway, which is going to make everything extra awkward if it ends up in disaster.

 **YSousuke:** don't ruin this, glasses

 **YSousuke:** this has had a loooong time coming

 **YSousuke:** not that I'm happy about it. fuck no

 **YSousuke:** but if it's going to happen anyway it'd better happen _right_

 **MakoDad:** I really think this is _The Moment_ TM!!!

 **NagisAAA:** OMG OMG!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** should we be recording this???!!

 **NagisAAA:** and mass text it???!!

 **MakoDad:** NO.

 **NagisAAA:** geeez okay :(

 **NagisAAA:** record it and add gou and coach sasabe to the chat???!!

 **NagisAAA:** and rins mom???!!

 **NagisAAA:** and???!

 **MakoDad:** _no_

 **NagisAAA:** just record it????

 **NagisAAA:** for posterity????

 **MakoDad:** ....

 **MakoDad:** maybe

 **ReiButterButt:** Nagisa, stop texting, you don't want to miss this.

 **NagisAAA:** !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

Haru is not only still on Rin's lap —apparently, getting off it isn't very high on his list of priorities—, but he's gripping his wrists so Rin can't hide his face and peering intently at it.

"Rin, what did you do?" he asks, low.

"It wasn't my fault!" Rin yells, right into Haru's face, but subsides when it doesn't seem to have any effect on him. "Why do you assume _you_ turning into a fucking duck is _my_ fucking fault?" But Haru only gives him A Look, which is all the more effective because of how unusual it is for him to direct it at anyone, and Rin crumbles like wet paper. "It was the fucking sakura tree, okay?!"

"The sakura tree," Rei can't help but interrupt, wide-eyed. "What-"

"I was supposed to-" Rin starts, cuts himself off, and starts again with glittering eyes. "Right after graduation, I was going to- to- to tell you that- that you're an idiot who eats too much mackerel and never says what he thinks when it's fucking _important_ , and never shows anything unless it's while swimming, and- and you're so fucking _infuriating_ and you don't even care, and you're- and _still_ -"

"Rin," Haru says, and his tone is impossible to read, but he doesn't move or even look away.

"I was going to tell you- but then I just _couldn't_. I meant to give you- Fuck. This is fucking ridiculous, damn, and I don't need-" Rin snaps his mouth shut, shaking his head. "But we were standing under the sakura tree, and I was thinking about it, and I had it in my hand and everything and then I didn't- so the fucking _tree_ did something to force this. I know it did."

Haru considers this for a moment. And because he's Haru, and he always knows a lot more than he lets on, he frees Rin's wrists and asks the easy question.

"What were you going to give me?"

And Rin, hands shaking, takes a single button from his pocket and offers it to Haru.

Haru himself receives it from Rin's palm without a sound —he _accepts it_ , though, and even he has to realize what that means—, but Nagisa gasps quietly and Sousuke mutters a curse under his breath, very low but with feeling. They don't need to examine it too closely to know that the button belongs to Rin's Samezuka uniform, and that it's the second button, the one closest to the heart, just as the person who receives it is for the giver.

"So yeah," Rin mutters, eyes fixed on Haru's fingers —curled protectively around the button—. "That."

"I really liked being a duck," Haru says, because Haru's mind processes are a mystery to even those experienced on the Rules of Haru, probably including Haru himself. "But I'm glad I'm not one anymore, because if I were, I couldn't do this."

And then Haru grips his pijama shirt —which he had thankfully shifted right into— and _tears it open_.

Buttons fly everywhere in what seems to be slow motion, but actually happens in less than a heartbeat. Which is, apparently, all the time Rin needs to smash their mouths together with the same enthusiasm of Haru throwing himself into a body of water.

So, a whole lot.

The scene somehow manages to be more moving than ridiculous, despite Rin being violently sobbing into the kiss —if it can even be called that— and one of the buttons, which had been precariously balanced on top of Rin's head, bouncing off Haru's nose when they pull away.

Nagisa slowly lowers his phone, and stops the recording.

 

 

 

 **MakoDad** has renamed _TEH CONFESSION!!!_ to _CONGRATULATIONS!! <3_

 **MakoDad:** THANK GOODNESS

 **YSousuke:** I hate this but it's been so long that I can only feel relief

 **YSousuke:** fucking finally rin

 **YSousuke:** congratufuckinglations

 **YSousuke:** you finally got the weird mackerel boy to senpai-notice you

 **NagisAAA:** AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

 **ReiButterButt:** Congratulations, Rin-chan, Haru-chan!

 **MakoDad:** just for future reference

 **MakoDad:** I'll be the one to tell this story in their wedding

 **MakoDad:** as haru's Official Best Man

 **NagisAAA:** not faaaaaaaair!!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** why are you the best man???!

 **HaruMackerel:** of course makoto is my best man

 **NagisAAA:** haruuuuuuuu!!!

 **NagisAAA:** makoto is THE best man!!!

 **NagisAAA:**   he doesnt have to also be YOUR best man!!! ;)

 **NagisAAA:** i can be your best man!!!! ;))))

 **HaruMackerel:** no

 **NagisAAA:** :(

 **MakoDad:** I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS

 **RinRin:** yes yes

 **RinRin:** thank u everyone

 **RinRin:** we're also not marrying at 18 wtf is wrong with you all

 **RinRin:** now fuck off were busy

 **NagisAAA:** on a _DATE_????!!!!!

 **YSousuke:** don't say yes don't say yes don't say yes

 **YSousuke:** actually you know what don't say anything at all

 **YSousuke:** I don't want to know

 **RinRin:** sweeping all the fucking buttons actually

 **RinRin:** fuck swimming gear, we have to get haru new pijamas

 **RinRin:** with LESS FUCKING BUTTONS

 **RinRin:** WTF EVEN

 **MakoDad:** this is the best day of my life

 **ReiButterButt:** It's truly kind of you to be so overjoyed for their relationship, Makoto-chan.

 **MakoDad:** no, you don't understand

 **MakoDad:** _they_ are the ones sweeping

 **MakoDad:** I AM FINALLY FREE

 **NagisAAA:** LOOOOOL!!!!

 **NagisAAA:** thank you rin for taking one for the team!!!!!! loooool!!!!

 **MakoDad:** FREE!

 **YSousuke:** fuck's sake

 **MakoDad:** FREEEEEE!!

 **ReiButterButt:** Yes, I think we all got that, Makoto-chan.

 **MakoDad:** _FREEEEEEEEEEEE_!!!!

 **MakoDad:** _FREEEEEE_!!!

 **MakoDad:** FINALLY

 **MakoDad:** FREE

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Anyway, so boys giving out the second button of their uniform to confess to girls in their graduation day is apparently a thing in Japan. Go look it up, because it sounds interesting af.  
>  ~~No, Haru, it does _not_ work like that. Why are u so extra.~~


End file.
